


When I'm Gone

by JasnNCarly



Series: Jason and Carly's World [7]
Category: General Hospital
Genre: F/M, JasnNCarly, My OTP, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-25
Updated: 2007-05-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 22:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasnNCarly/pseuds/JasnNCarly
Summary: Based on a December 8th episode where Jason tries to talk Carly down before he goes into surgery.





	When I'm Gone

"Do me a favor. You're about as patient as I am. And I know that if you hang around during this operation that you're probably going to get into an argument or a fight with somebody."  
  
"I--"  
  
"So why don't you go to Jakes. You know, have a beer, shoot a game of pool--for me. Just remind yourself that you--you can survive, Carly. You can survive anything."  
  
"Oh yeah?" She questioned skeptically, trying to burst into tears as she half admitted, "And what if I don't want to survive without you?"  
  
Her comment caused the mist in his gaze to worsen as he set his eyes on the ceiling, insisting softly, "You don't have a choice...you will survive."  
  
"You--" Staring away, she drew in a deep breath and tried to ignore the tears streaming endless down her cheeks, "you are my hope, Jase...don't you see that?"  
  
He had to turn away from her before it ripped out the last bit of his heart, but he found himself frozen. Watching her so terrified, knowing there was nothing he could do, made him feel absolutely useless.  
  
For the first time, he could do nothing for her.   
  
He had not seen her like since Michael was presumed dead, and he had prayed he would never have to again.  
  
"I know I've said it before, but..." Pausing for a moment, pressing her lips tightly together to keep herself from saying the wrong thing, she let a sob escape and glanced over at him, "you're everything to me...the only thing outside of my boys that I ever--"  
  
"Carly..."  
  
"We've done so many horrible things to each other, but there was always love. I know--I know that." She took his hand in her own, clasping it within her own as she held it to her heart, "I feel it, Jase. I always have, and--I know you do, too."  
  
"Yes."   
  
His soft simple answer caused her tears to worsen as she bowed her head, kissing his hand tenderly and allowing her tears to fall freely.  
  
Jason watched her for a moment, her blond hair attempting to mask her pain as she clung to his hand.  
  
 _Please, Carly, don't make this any harder than it already is.  
  
{It’s my life...  
But all in words I guess  
  
Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give an arm for?  
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?  
When they know they are your heart  
And you know you are their armour  
And you will destroy anyone who will try to harm her  
But what happens when karma turns right around and bites you  
And everything you stand for turns on you to spite you  
What happens when you become the main source of her pain  
“Daddy look what I made?”  
“Dad’s gotta go catch a plane”  
“Daddy where’s mommy? I can’t find mommy, where is she?”  
I don’t know, go play, Hailie baby your daddy’s busy.  
Daddy’s writin’a   
song, this song ain’t gon’ write itself  
I give you one underdog, then you gotta swing by yourself  
Then to write a rhyme in a song and tell her you love her  
And put hands on her mother who’s a spittin’ image of her  
That’s slim shady, yeah baby slim shady’s crazy  
Shady made me, but tonight, Shady’s rock-a-by baby}_  
  
"God..." She lifted her head suddenly, striking him with her emotional stare, and dropped his hand, standing to her feet, "This isn't fair! This isn't right! There's got to be something else they can do!"  
  
Maintaining his silence as best as possible, he released a silent breath.  
  
"Sam, Robin, they don't--they don't know what's best for you. There's someone, someone who isn't them, who knows exactly what to do, and I'm going to find them."  
  
"Carly--"  
  
"I will! I will save you, Jase, just like you've done for me!"  
  
"Carly--"  
  
"I have to! I can't let you die, do you understand me?! I won't make it!"  
  
Jason was stunned by the statement, no matter how many times she had said...it had only struck him then...when she literally shook with emotion.  
  
Noting his surprise, his own sadness, she let out an angry laugh and placed her hands on her hips.  
  
Carly dropped her head again, confessing shamefully, "Jase, I'm sorry. I'm--I'm so damn sorry."  
  
"Don't." Correcting her quickly, he softened his tone slightly and instructed her, "Carly, look at me."  
  
She reluctantly complied, sniffling softly as she swept away her tears in a hope to put on a brave front.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything that's happened between us--it had to happen."  
  
"No." Shaking her head with a sigh, she huffed anything, "It didn't."  
  
"No regrets, Carly. It's never been that way."  
  
"You can honestly look me in the eye, right now, in this moment, and say you don't have any regrets?" Almost angry, she asked the question without warning with her lips curved in a frustrated frown, "Can you honestly tell me that you're happier in this life than in the life you would have had with me and Michael? The one you could have had if we had done things differently?"  
  
"I'm asking you to stop. Don't do it like this."  
  
"Like what, Jase?! The truth?!"  
  
"I know what you're doing." He nodded slowly, bringing in a deep breath, and explained, "You think it'll be easier to walk out of this room, if you're angry. If you hate me."  
  
"You know nothing because I could never hate you."  
  
"I know that, and so do you." Grinning sideways, he added quietly, "But we know you will try even if you can't get away with it."  
  
His statement caused her to cause her arms defensively, swallowing a thick lump in her throat.  
  
After a moment of silence, she allowed the words to escape her quivering lips, "I--I don't know how to say goodbye to you."  
  
Jason felt his throat tighten, realizing how close it all was, and confessed, "I don't want to, but..."  
  
The moment he trailed off, she placed her hands over her face and began sob uncontrollably into her hands, kneeling down to the floor.  
  
 _{And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back  
And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back}_  
  
He took it for a moment, trying to allow that moment for the both of them...allowing them both to be consumed by the overwhelming sadness.  
  
When he could take it no longer, he climbed out of his hospital bed and went to her side.   
  
"Carly..." He called out her name softly, causing her to look up at him with her heartbroken gaze, as he extended his hand to her, bringing her to a stand.  
  
Taking his hand and squeezing it immediately within her own, she stood up only enough to fall into his warm embrace.  
  
Carly tightened fists around bunches of his hospital gown, crying against him as he closed his strong arms around her, and soaked in his care, needing it to regain her composure.  
  
He stroked her hair soothingly with one hand, using the opposite arm to keep her tightly against him, and shut his eyes comfortably, needing the time to memorize her in his arms one last time.  
  
Inhaling the sweet scent of hair, he leaned his lips down to her ear and whispered, "You changed my life, Carly."  
  
She let out a bitter laugh, "For the worst, right?"  
  
"...and for the best."  
  
Her sobs worsened, got a little louder, as she slid her hands around his waist, squeezing him tightly.  
  
Jason made sure his composure was fine before going on, "When you showed up that night...pregnant with Michael...I had--no idea you'd give me what you did."  
  
Pulling away slightly, she bored her eyes into his and inquired softly, "All I did was turn your life upside down, Jase. And I--"  
  
"You gave me a family...unconditional love..." He placed his hands on her biceps, pushing her back a step to maintain the distance he needed, and stared away, admitting quietly, "I never had that."  
  
"You will always have it. You will always have me, and--" Crossing her arms once again, needing some kind of defense, she chewed her lower lip, "my heart, Jase. You just--you have my heart."  
  
"I need you to keep your promises to me, Carly. Whether I make it out of this or not, I need you to be okay. I need to know that--I need to know you'll be okay without me."  
  
"I will never give up on the boys, Jase. I can promise you that. I swear that to you."  
  
"I want you to promise me you won't give up on yourself." His words caused her to blink her eyes doubtfully, prompting him to add with his misty gaze, "I need you to stand up...when I can't help you. I--need you to avoid the falls..."  
  
"I'll have you."  
  
"Even if I'm not."  
  
"Jase..."  
  
"Carly," He called her name out firmly, meeting her eyes firmly, as he spoke huskily, obviously fighting to maintain his strength, "I never wanted you to need me--I knew you could do with or without me, and I still do."  
  
 _{I keep havin’ this dream – I’m pushin’ hailie on the swings she keeps screamin’  
She don’t want me to sing, “You’re makin mommy cry, why, why’s mommy crying?”  
Baby, Daddy ain’t leavin’ no more,  
“Daddy you’re lying,  
You always say that, you always say this is the last time,  
but you ain’t leavin’ no more, Daddy you’re mine!”  
She’s piling boxes infront of the door tryin’ to block it,  
“Daddy please daddy don’t leave daddy no, stop it!”  
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket, it’s got a picture,  
“This’ll keep you safe daddy, take it with you”  
I look up, it’s just me standin in the mirror, these @#%&#036; walls must be talkin coz man I can hear ‘em  
They sayin you got one more chance to do right, and it’s tonight,  
Now go out there and show ‘em that you love ‘em ‘fore its too late  
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door it turns to a stage, they’re gone  
And the spotlight is on and I’m singin…  
  
And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back}_  
  
"You may not want it, but guess what? It happened, Jase. I need you."   
  
"I--I want my family to be okay. Can you promise me that?"  
  
"You know..." She shook her head angrily, placing her hands on her hips, and huffed, "you're not going anywhere so I'm going to take the selfish route, okay? I'm going to say I can't. Because I know you won't leave me or the boys unless you're sure we're okay."  
  
Their eyes met, tears just making the image of each other unrecognizable.  
  
"I refuse to make it okay for you to leave me. I can't--I'm sorry."  
  
"Just--"  
  
"No, because you will fight harder, if I don't say it. I know it, and I know you. Better than anybody, I know Jason Morgan. My everything." Carly wiped her tears madly and pointed her index at him firmly, "Do what you have to do, you understand me? You make a deal with the devil, if you have to. Don't leave us, okay? Because you can't..."  
  
"Do you--do you remember when I came to you, and we thought Michael was gone?" He waited for the memory to register in her sad gaze, continuing softly, "I can't fix this, Carly. I have no control. I wish I did...I wish I could make that promise to everyone I care about...especially you."  
  
"You can, Jase. You can--"  
  
"But I can't."  
  
His proclamation, seeing the fear in his big blue eyes, caused her to walk around him, needing to break their stare...needing to ignore his fear for the sake of her own.  
  
"I was wrong, Jase. You found Michael. You fixed everything. And I know you can. I believe in you."  
  
"I know you do. That's the only reason..." Reaching his hand back in her direction, he waited for her to lace their fingers then proceeded, "I'm doing this. For--but I need this, Carly. I need you to give me the promise."  
  
"Then ask Sam, ask Sonny, hell ask Robin!" She yanked her hand from his, walking back to her place in front of him, and looked him dead in the hand, "I can't give you promises that I don't want to. I can't lie. Not to you. I made that promise to myself a long, long time ago. It's the only promise I've never broken, and I won't do it now...not even for you."  
  
"And I can't promise you I'll be okay, Carly."  
  
His confession caused her to bow her head, shutting her eyes in a wince, "Then I guess we're nowhere...neither of us gets what we want." Drifting her eyes up to his, she smiled angrily and went on, "Doesn't seem like a new thing between us, does it? Not getting what we want?"  
  
"...no."  
  
"Okay, so, we have to come to one agreement before I'll take a step out of this room...before I let them take you away from me, all right?"  
  
Jason waited for the worst, not sure he would last another minute in a room with her...consumed by all the emotions of the years between them.  
  
"No matter what you do, no matter how many terrible things you do or how you push me away, I'll just stay right here. I will pull you back to me." Placing her hands on his face, she dispensed all of her strength into him as she instructed, "If you feel like you're fading in this thing? If for a split second, you think it's over? I need you to think of me. Think of Michael and Morgan. _Our_ boys... _our_ family...because we need you--more than we need anything else in this world--we need Jason."  
  
"Carly--"  
  
Before he could finish she pressed her lips softly to his own, attempting to cease all doubt.  
  
 _{And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back  
Sixty thousand people, all jumpin’ out their seat  
The curtain closes, they’re throwing roses at my feet  
I take a bow, “and thank you all for comin’ out”  
They’re screamin so loud, I take one last look at the crowd  
I glance down, I don’t believe what I’m seein’,  
“Daddy it’s me! Help mommy her wrists are bleedin’”  
But baby we’re in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?!  
“I followed you daddy, you told me that you wern’t leavin  
You lied to me dad, and now you make mommy sad  
And I bought you this coin  
It says ‘number 1 dad’, that’s all I wanted  
I just wanna give you this coin  
I get the point, fine, me and mommy are goin”  
But baby wait-  
“its too late dad, you made your choice. Now go out there and show ‘em that you love ‘em more than us  
That’s what they want  
They want you Marshall, they keep   
screamin your name, it’s no wonder you can’t go to sleep  
Just take another pill, yeah I bet ya you will  
You rap about it. Yeah word, ke-keep it real”}_  
  
His hands came in contact softly with her warm neck, absorbing the feel of her lips the way he did the night of the fire...as though it would be the last time.  
  
A soft sob escaped her, ceasing the kiss and sending her steps back.  
  
Jason opened his eyes to find hers absolutely terrified.   
  
He was going to attempt to ease the fear still residing in her eyes, when a soft knock had interrupted them all together.  
  
His eyes flew to the door where Sam entered timidly, a little weary of the looks she saw between them.  
  
"Sam, could you--"   
  
Before he could ask for one more minute, one last moment with her, she was rushing out of the room.  
  
"Carly." He made his way to the door quickly, still trying to capture that one last chance, and called after her, "Carly!"  
  
But it was useless.  
  
Carly was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
Bursting out of the door, she drew in a deep breath of fresh air and stared out at the city from a familiar spot on the General Hospital roof.  
  
Her tears fell like rain, trying to cleanse all the bitter and heartbroken emotions of the moment, but it was never ending.  
  
 _No, he's going to be okay...he'll be fine...he always is...I won't lose him._  
  
The thoughts were frantic, frequent as she tried to find a reason to continue standing.  
  
Staring up at the cloudy sky, she spoke out with the last of her breath, "Save him...please..."  
  
His eyes, knowing he feared for his life more than she, haunted her...brought her no comfort in the way they always had.  
  
Carly tilted her head further back, closing her eyes, and vowed, "I will do--anything...if you keep him alive. I'll do whatever you tell me to. I'll--make amends with everyone, even Sonny, if you want. Just--just let him stay...let him live, okay? I'll make the deal, if he can't. I'll make it with whoever helps him...just...don't take Jason away from me...please...don't take him away..."  
  
"Carly?"  
  
The moment she heard his voice, she snapped, "Go away."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Carly turned him in disbelief, "Is that a joke?"  
  
"He's going to be fine."  
  
"Go away, Sonny. What about that sentence, do you not understand?"  
  
"I'm not going to leave you alone, not like this."  
  
Pushing past him, she completed avoided his grasp, "Fine, I have some place to be any way."  
  
~*~  
  
 _{I hear applause, all this time I couldn’t see  
How could it be that the curtain is closing on me  
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, @#%&#036; it,   
put it to my brain, scream ‘Die Shady!’ and pop it   
The sky darkens, my life flashes,   
The plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes  
That’s when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin',  
There’s birds singin’, it’s spring and  
Hailie’s out side swingin’  
I walk right up to Kim and kiss her, tell her I miss her  
Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister, almost as if to say...  
And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back}_  
  
He blinked his blue eyes slowly as he was stopped just outside of the operating room.  
  
Staring straight at the ceiling, completely silent, he tried to listen to the words of his loved ones...only to feel her absence.  
  
 _I shouldn't have made her go._  
  
Selfishy, he mentally repeated the thought as those who cared for him said their last lines...assuring him this could indeed be the end.  
  
"Mr. Morgan?"  
  
Jason finally responded to something, looking to the doctor.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
With a firm nod, he felt Sam's hand slip from his and caught one glimpse at Sonny before they entered the room.  
  
He stared towards a bright light, hearing the doctor's voice began to fade into the distance, as his eyelids became heavier and heavier with each second.  
  
~*~  
  
She paused, sipping on her beer and planning the perfect shot, as memories began to occupy her time.  
  
 _"Don't--start thinking all sideways, okay? We're friends, whether I like it or not. Sometimes we get on each other's nerves. It might be a little inconvenient. I might even get a headache. And you know what, if I tell you not to call me at four in the morning? You're going to call me at four in the morning."  
  
"Only if it's really, really important. Or I just really--really want to talk to you...but you know? You can call me...anytime."  
  
"And that's why we're always going to be friends. You stand by me, so I stand by you."  
  
"You make it sound like it's a chore."  
  
"Well...sometimes...it is, but it doesn't matter. You're in my life. I can't explain why. You have too much courage for your own good. You're always around with these crazy--plans. And you won't go away. And neither will I."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I'm always on your side, no matter how wrong you are."  
  
"...and I'm always on your side too."_  
  
Carly leaned down, refusing to believe anything but good news was coming soon, and executed the shot, coming to a smooth stand afterward.  
  
Pinching her lips together, she tried to feel his lips again only to hear his voice once more...  
  
 _"...you can survive, Carly."_  
  
~*~  
  
 _{And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,  
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I’m lookin’ down on you smiling  
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back.}_  
  
Suddenly, her voice was crystal clear to him...  
  
 _"...think of me. Think of Michael and Morgan. Our boys...our family...because we need you--more than we need anything else in this world--we need Jason."_  
  
Blinking his blue eyes slowly open, he groaned softly at the blinding sun.  
  
Jason lifted his hand to shield his eyes, seeing the three of them in the distance.  
  
She smiled at him brightly, urging the boys to wave at him.  
  
A grin spread across his lips as Michael waved and Morgan did the same with a little assistance from his mom.  
  
Soon her smile faded as she stood to her feet, picking up Morgan and holding him to her hip, using her free hand to take Michael's.  
  
Frowning in confusion, he watched sadly as she gave him one last sad smile and lead the boys away.  
  
Jason lowered his hand slowly, until the sun had completely blinded his vision again.  
  
 _ **The End**_  
  
 _ **Song Credit: "When I'm Gone" - Eminem**_


End file.
